I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
