So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why are your pants in the freezer?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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