my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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