Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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