Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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