She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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