So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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