There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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