the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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