I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
