I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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