So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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