Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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