i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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