i just sent this text using only my big toe
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
