Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
