I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize