I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need to calm my uterus...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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