you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
