last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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