we made out on top of his cat.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
