oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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