Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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