im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
