Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
