I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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