3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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