I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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