She said her name was "party"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
