I cannot find my penis.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
