Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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