is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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