The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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