So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize