Apparently you make a good broom.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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