dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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