i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
