how can u be prego again
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
