I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
