i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I can text with my tongue
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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