she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
