No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
