I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
