I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
