Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize