Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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