i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
