sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
