what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
