First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
