now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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