I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
