i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
