No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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