She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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