Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
