i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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