ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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