you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
