just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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