Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
