im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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