Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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