maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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