I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
