I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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