summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
