I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
