im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
