So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
