I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
