if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
