dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
