Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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