Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I love having hate sex.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize