I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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