i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
