He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
