don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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