Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize